Somehow, despite my boisterous and loud presence, I have mostly acquired introverts as friends. I naturally love juxtaposition, so I enjoyed their calmer energy clashing with mine. Yet, as I grew up, I did not always provide a comfortable space for them. In society, it is most often the task of introverts to change themselves, “open up” to the world. I believe it is time for us extroverts to do some work. So here goes my guide on how to become the best extrovert an introvert friend one could ask for!

1. Loud doesn’t have to mean Volume.

   Not to be typical, but being raised Dominican gives a skewed idea of what loud means. I’m so used to being bombarded by NOISE.  It’s to the point that I have been able to nap through parties. But being a walking megaphone can be jarring to some. What I learned is that loud can be a way of being, not just sound. I am still bold with my humor, wit, and perspective. Using an inside voice to say outlandish things still gives me my love of difference.

2. You don’t always have to say something.

   I am certified yapper to my core. The only critique I consistently received was, “Needs to talk less during class.” However, the consequence is that I’ve lost friends who felt that they could not even get into the conversation as I took up all the space. Now, I understand how communication is a two-way street. Providing your ear first to someone allows both or multiple parties to have more fun and fulfilling conversations. Now, it’s to the point where I love to just watch the conversation ebb and flow into something bigger on its own.

3. Speak Up Now.

   We extroverts, for the most part, aren’t held down by social anxiety. We glide through social situations we see as simple, while introverts have to push their hardest. I used to hate when my cousins would try to make me take phone calls; she had to go. But instead, extroverts can be heroes. We cannot fight every battle, but being a voice for our friends in uncomfortable moments can really go a long way.

4. Equal Effort is Essential.

   My final advice is more of a standard. These tips only apply to friends who give us the same love and support. I will admit blame in some of the relationships I lost, but others I can say now were having to make changes to myself to keep the friend around. There is a fine line between compromise and forfeiting who we are. Thankfully, now I have friendships where we are on equal footing. The key is mutual love and respect to begin with.

The world needs more of us, loud, bold, extroverted people around, but especially those of us who comprehend when and how to show up in our communities. It has taken some trial and error for me to find out the people who appreciated me being there, but the work I did for myself made getting closer to others more seamless.